Can't Wait to Say
by CountryWithATwang
Summary: First Fic EVER! ONE SHOT Faye loves Spike, but she's afraid he doesn't love her...She needs more from him...Read on readers, and please review so i know if i should ever write again! Be gentle..


Faye loved Spike. It was simple as that. What complicated things was the fact that Faye wasn't sure that Spike loved her. Oh, the sex was great, and since Spike could probably get any other woman he wanted, it made her feel as though he had to like her at least a little. Maybe taht could grow, she though. She knew very little about Spike, other then a small portion of his past, which they had only truly talked about once. This was the first time Spike had let Faye in a little deeper, as he told her he did love Julia, but that it was different now. He felt he owed her, after all the whole deal with Vicious was partly his fault. But they never really talked. She didn't know waht his favorite color was, or favorite memory (although she desperatley hoped this wouldn't be one about Julia) or his favorite movies (which she desperatley hoped wasn't porno). That doesn't sound too terribly deep, but she needs to know more about the man she loves. But she won't tell him this. She won't pressure him for fear she might lose waht they already have. But she can't live like this anymore. Sex won't cut it. Her funal thought was she needed Spike to know. More then anything, she need him to know thaqt she loved him.

Faye rose from the worn yellow couch, bent on confessing to Spike that she loved him and that she wanted to know more of him. She walked confidently up the stairs and towards Spike's room, where he tended to be these days. An uncommon confidence filled Faye, so much that she failed to notice the smoke rising from the lit cigarette seeming to float in the dark corner. Spike went into action, grabbing Dat, spinning her to face him. He pressed himself flush against her lithe body. Faye already knew what he wanted from the slight pressure against her stomach. He pressed his lips to hers and ravished her mouth as only he could. Faye did love this, but her first intent came back to her mind. Pushing with all her might, Spike finally took a step back, looking bewlidered.

"What's wrong?" Spike asked, concerned.

"Nothing, I just...I wanna talk..." Faye said innocently.

Spike stood silent, straightening a bit, a slight flicker of what may have been happiness in his eyes, hidden by a stern face.

"It's mine, isn't it.." with a little of what sounded like hopefullness playing in his voice.

Fire rose in Faye's eyes when she realized Spike was referring to the baby she was NOT pregnant with.

"WHAT, so I have to be having your baby to want to talk to you? I'm just your fuck buddy, what's the point in me talking?"

Shocked and scared, knowing he was walking on eggshells, Spike knew he should choose his words carefully. He needed to tell her how much he cared. How much he wouldn't mind her having his baby, even though she wasn't pregnant. How much he loved her. How he thought she was the one, more so then Julia ever was. How this facade he was always putting on was some sort of defense mechanism. How he thought she was only out for sex (he knew how good he was) and didn't want it to be like that, even though he seems it never WAS like that. How he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Yes, he must choose his words very carefully, for losing Faye is just something he could never do.

"Well, you've been crankier lately and lookin' a little bigger, so I just assumed.." As soon as the words left his mouth, he was sure he could already feel the handprint forming on his face...come on Spike, think of something better...

"...I mean, I thought you just wanted the sex..." DEAR GOD, do I even know what I'm doing, do I have brain cells left...he cringed closing his eyes, but the hit never came. Spike opened his eyes to a site that made his heart break in his chest. Faye's eyes filled with unshed tears...

"Oh, so I'm just your whore, am I?" Faye spat.

"No, no it's not like that at all.." Please Faye, I don't know the words, I don't know the motions, please just understand what I can't seem to say..

"Then what, tell me Spike, let's hear it...or better yet...we'll switch roles, and I'll show you exactly how it feels to be me watching you.."

And she turned on her heel and began to walk away when a faded memory came to mind...

_Outside the Red Dragon Headquarters, hours after Vicious' death.._

_She held him as he cried in her arms, his head buried in the crook of her neck. He cried for Julia, he cried for everyone._

_"They leave me...they all leave me, one way or another..."_

_"I'll never leave you Spike, I'll never walk away, just hold on.."_

_She and Jet gently load Spike into the Redtail and head off to the Bebop, straight on to a long recovery.._

She turned back and saw a broken man before her eyes, slumped against the wall, face in his hands. He was never like this. Not this way. She rushed back to his side.

"I'm sorry, Spike, I'm so sorry.."

She pulled him to her and held him, as his arms wrapped around her waist.

" I'll never leave you, never, but you scared me. The thought of you using me, or leaving me, of you not caring about me...I don't know what I'd do. I just wish I knew-"

"-I love you-"

"-if you care.. what?"

And Spike kissed her tenderly, silencing the threat of waht she didn't know, giving her the answers she needed. Spike stood and swung Faye into his arms, bridal style, making his way to his room, kicking the door shit. Neither of them noticed the small velvet box fall from Spike's pocket and to the floor...


End file.
